Reversion of a Collapsed Catholic

So, what were you doing one year ago?

February 5, 2013:
(while this posting does include emphasis on my own Reconciliation in my return to God and the Faith, it's a conversion/reversion story, not one focused on the Sacrament)

I'd been away from the Church and from God for maybe 10 years, attending Mass only when required for a funeral, wedding. I rarely even attended with family at family functions. I couldn't attend in good faith, knowing I was living was apart from Christ. I couldn't receive the Eucharist, and I had no desire for confession over the many years.  I didn't even attend Protestant services, because while there is also good in other religions, I deep down knew I was supposed to be Catholic (as revealed to me many years earlier, from God; your mileage may vary).

Our oldest son had emergency surgery for a spontaneous collapsed lung a month earlier. Despite him being a young adult, I was just as scared as if he'd been 5 years old.  As I prayed in the nearby waiting room (what? prayed? Yep, even as a sinner, fallen away Catholic, I still knew God was there, but that I wasn't there for God; I wasn't praying for myself, but for our son), I thought of all my relatives who I believed were in Heaven, or at the least, on their way there. I pictured each of them in my mind, and asked each one of them to pray for our son (as well as every saint I could think of...which wasn't many). I saw my beloved grandparents, friends and other family members....including my aunt, Shirley.

Now, my Aunt Shirley had been in a wheelchair for over 20 years when she died a few years ago.  She was in a lot of pain, and suffered greatly.  That's how I always remembered her, when she crossed my mind over the years. But not that day.  That day, my beautiful Aunt Shirley had a smile on her face, and walked towards me from the 'line' I was visualizing.  She had such joy on her face like I don't ever remember seeing.  It was a very spiritual moment, because I felt that she was telling me it was going to be okay (it was), and that she was happy and healthy once again, in God's arms. Wow. I didn't consciously think about that...it just happened.  Our son recovered fully from the lung collapse, praise God.

The few weeks after his surgery, I seemed to be struggling.  I guess I was struggling against God. I knew I wasn't worthy (I'm still not). But I felt Him calling me. My life was 'okay'...my husband had recently received full time employment; our kids were in college, and I was doing okay. But deep down, I knew. I was living in fear. I was afraid to die.  The pathway I was on was easy and clear, and the destination was not a good one.  I didn't realize the fear I had in my heart and soul until it was gone.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  It's been TOO LONG since my last Confession!  

Too long?  It was at least 10 years, maybe 14, between Confessions until I went in February of this year.  Now I go a few weeks, and I feel 'weak'.

Don't get me wrong; we don't have this sacrament as a 'feel good' instant healing.  My sins still hurt myself, others, and most importantly, God. Earlier this evening, it came to me that the Wednesday Confessions at our parish were starting. I quickly jumped in my car, and arrived 15 minutes after they 'opened for business'. :)  I couldn't believe how many men were in line tonight; they easily outnumbered the women 6 to 1.  I was much overjoyed at the number of people in line, even though it meant I would be there awhile.  There were two priests available, but I had no idea which ones were there.  I thought to myself that even if the wait was for hours, or even days, I would wait.  The chance to ask our Savior directly for forgiveness, and RECEIVING IT, is so powerful, amazing and such a gift.  As I prayed and waited in line for my turn to visit the Confessional, I found myself looking at the crucifix hanging overhead near the altar.  I had used my Laudate application on my phone to guide my memory and conscience; it forces me to be VERY honest with myself about my mistakes.  God already knows them; He's just waiting for me to ask Him for His Forgiveness. 

I feel like Jesus is holding me when I confess.

After preparing myself and examining my sins, I often will pray the Rosary as I wait.  Today, I chose the Divine Mercy.  As always, I had tears streaming down my face as I prayed.  I tried to contain them so as not to be noticeable to others and distract them, but it's such a powerful prayer.  It was especially powerful tonight, as I prayed for His Mercy not only for myself, but the others in attendance as well.  After all, it is through His Mercy that we are forgiven.

I've been to many different priests for Confession in the last 8 months.  Each one has been very different.  But one message has been universal (and, on a side note, 'Catholic' means universal).  "The Lord rejoices that you are asking His forgiveness, and are repentant."  I've visited with older priests, foreign priests, young (!) priests (which is a little strange...when you know the priest on the other side of the screen reminds not only you, but many others according to him, of Daniel Radcliffe!), talkative priests, quiet priests.  But there is One that I have encountered EACH TIME I've been to Confession: Jesus Christ Himself.  How else could it be, that this stranger on the other side of the screen, can offer me such guidance after a few moments of me telling him how many horrible things I've done or thought?  While I should watch my pride in thinking that I'm at all unique in my sins, I have been amazed at priests throughout the US, not even in the same diocese, can offer me such similar guidance, while not even knowing who I am.  I also believe it does take true humility and repentance for us humans to admit our worst faults and sins to a human being; we truly have to believe that the Lord is present with us, and that the priest is acting 'in persona Christi', in the person of Christ.  Just as I've heard things coming out of my mouth that I have no way of explaining or knowing, yet it comes out clear as a bell to the person I'm talking to, I know it's the Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ, our Father, who is being heard. And for the person to be representing our actual Christ is amazing.

I used to fear Confession and the Penance, but thankfully, the Penance I've always received is never as painful as what I deserve.  I should fear death and judgement if I haven't repented and confessed!  Confession is such a beautiful sacrament.  The fear is from the devil, who does NOT want us to repent.  The doubts? That's him, too.  By that last minute decision, I didn't give the bad guy much time to try to dissuade me. He did try to sneak in while I was there, but I had the Lord on my side. 

Another reason Confession is so powerful, especially as we wait in line with other sinners: it is helpful to know that I am not the only one who sins. It's easy to feel isolated, and like we are the worst sinners in the world, and that God will never forgive us (again, thoughts from the devil).  It reminds us that we are not alone, that we are never alone, in our sinful ways. We are not called to be perfect.  We are called to be the best we can be for Him. We feel the strength of each other and come to lean on each other spiritually, even without realizing it.  Plus, who knows how many others are praying specifically for us at that very moment we are standing in line with them, or saying our prayers in the pews?

Just another reason I love being Catholic!  God have Mercy on my soul, and those of my fellow sinners.

(Why Confession to a priest? "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9)

God had sent Jesus to forgive sins, but after his resurrection Jesus told the apostles, "‘As the Father has sent me, even so I send you.’ And when he had said this, He breathed on them, and said to them, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained’" (John 20:21–23). (This is one of only two times we are told that God breathed on man, the other being in Genesis 2:7, when he made man a living soul. It emphasizes how important the establishment of the sacrament of penance was.)  )

For further reading:

http://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/sacraments/penance/sacrament-of-penance-resources-for-individuals.cfm

http://www.catholic.com/tracts/confession

http://www.catholic.com/tracts/the-forgiveness-of-sins

Examination of conscience:

http://www.fatima.org/essentials/requests/examconc.asp

http://www.ncregister.com/info/confession_guide_for_adults/

http://www.ewtn.com/library/prayer/examconscience.htm

http://www.ewtn.com/library/spirit/examcons.txt

http://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/sacraments/penance/examinations-of-conscience.cfm

Good Friday

What a truly Good Friday it was!  I'm kind of still processing the scriptures and events of the last few days. But I want to share with you the 'life' part of it.

Last night, we attended Holy Thursday Mass at my 'weekday' parish, and today, Good Friday again at that same parish.  It's a traditional Catholic Church setting/architecture, and is so beautiful.  We are so blessed in my diocese to have such amazing priests at so many parishes. I have rarely encountered one that wasn't wonderful.  But these two priests at this parish; Monsignor is elderly, but sharp as a razor. He just needs help with the steps. His heart must be made of gold. He reminds me so much of my paternal Grandpa, who was a huge influence on my spiritual life.  The other priest is younger (yet older than I am), but inspires me so much in his homilies and confession.  I also attended the Stations of the Cross, as well as praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the first day of the Novena, with the parish.  I also had a word with Monsignor afterwards, which is always a delight.  It was also delightful to see a hundred people waiting for confessions today, especially since this parish has them daily.

A few fun things happened today, as well.

After the service, I walked with my husband outside as he went back to work. While there, a gentleman was kind of lingering around the bottom of the 10 or so steps out front, looking around. No one spoke to him, until I called to him, asking if I could help him.  He slowly walked up the steps to me, and asked if there was a priest....well, 'grunted' would be closer to accurate.  I told him about confessions, but that the priests would be there all day.  He said that he went to confession 24/7.....but he was clearly wanted a Catholic priest. I said that Father XXXX and Monsignor XXXX would be glad to hear his confession. He recognized Monsignor's name, and said he'd talked to him before. I of course complimented Monsignor.  I then asked if I could help him with anything, and he said no.  He then kept saying he went to confession anytime, any place; I did not clarify it with him. It wasn't the time. We spoke for another moment or two, and he started to leave.  He continued speaking as he walked away, but I don't think he was unhappy with my response to him.  You see, this parish has many homeless people around, as well as a nearby 'entertainment' district, and is in the heart of the city.  This man had a mohawk with long hair (hard to explain), a leather vest, dark sunglasses, perhaps he was a biker, or had been...basically the opposite of everyone who had just walked out of the church.  My point is this: don't judge.  People are people. We all have the same basic needs.  This man enriched my life for having been in it just for a few minutes.  Please pray for him.  Let's call him Frank.

As I got in my car, I pondered how if your heart was open to God, He placed you in circumstances, wherever you are.  I still ask Him what He wants me to do, but I leave my heart open to Him and His Desires, for the Spirit to move me where He wants me.  

Shortly, I decided to take a somewhat different route home, just for a change of pace, for a few blocks.  I had decided to do this before I even made the two turns towards the intersection where my route would begin to differ.  For the first time ever, I saw a young man with a sign asking for money at that corner. I've been through that corner 50 times (or more) in the past year, and not once has there been someone asking for money. But this time, the time I would need to be in that left turn lane, a young man was there. Well, I'm listening, God!  I got a dollar out for him, and decided to do more. I wasn't going just to hand it to him; I knew I'd be at the light for a few minutes since I had missed the turn signal due to the traffic line, and would be there for a few minutes.  I asked his name (CJ), and his plans.  He told me he had a job waiting for him half a country away, but needed to get there.  I asked how I could pray for him; he was caught off guard, and happy to answer that he was needing to get a job and get to his job.  I then asked him to pray for me.  I don't know that I was there just to give him some monetary help, but perhaps the spiritual support he needed.  I knew I should have gotten some more rosaries yesterday, but I guess I wasn't listening very well!  Once again, though, people are people. They aren't just homeless or beggars or rough characters........

(PS: I also offered a man and woman a ride the other evening after I had eaten at a chain restaurant; they were walking out of the parking lot, but had been eating in the restaurant. My husband was glad that they declined when I told him this!  However, that's the first time in 10+ years I've offered strangers a ride, and do NOT recommend it 99.999% of the time.  But perhaps God just wanted me to ask.  Yes, God.)

For my new friend

A new acquaintance is going through some things, and I'd like to share the following thoughts with her (don't cry through this one! :) :) :) ) :  (let me know when you've seen this and I'll take it down if you like)

Thanks for your email last night!
Congrats on doing such a great job for your health! That's amazing, and shows what a strong person you truly are. I know it isn't easy.

You can call any rectory and meet with any priest. You don't have to go to the parish where you attend Mass. You can attend Mass, even, at any parish, not just your neighborhood/local one, so don't worry about 'belonging'.  Do your very best to get to Confession, and remember that God knows your heart and limitations. I'd sincerely recommend using your time at Confession or the rectory to visit with the priest about your life as a whole, along with your confession.  Do you visit the doctor for your follow up? They can also provide some information about other services that you might need.

I have met Jesus Christ in the Confessional many times. I urge you to do the same. He is there, waiting for you, but remember, He is ALWAYS with you.

God bless and keep you. I will keep you in my prayers, and ask others to do the same.

Isaiah 41:10

do not fear, for I am with you,

    do not be afraid, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

    I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

Evangelizing in the Church before Mass with a stranger

I've had need to go to Confession, and had some time on my business trip to do so, and attend Mass afterwards.  Preface: apparently, I was attending Mass in one of the areas that a large part of the homeless gather, the doors in the bathrooms at McDonald's are locked, and there was little to no parking.  (Denver-ites....the Cathedral)  I wondered why I was meant to be there that day, and just chalked it up to God would let me know if He wanted me to know, if it was more than doing as I was expected (Confession and Mass). (I have to do that a lot.)  I did it just over a week ago as well.

Anyway, after encountering more than a few people asking for help or money, and even being approached directly while eating, along with a few more adventures, I decided to see if the Church was open an hour before Confession and 2 before Mass. It was. YAY! I didn't have to sit in my car surrounded by strangers! (Not really afraid, but not completely comfortable either, given what I'd seen.)  I was one of the first to get in line after praying, and confessed my sins.  I then went to the 'side' near Mary's statues and pictures to pray.

I sat down shortly thereafter, and turned to face the main part of the Church, to enjoy the beauty and artwork, especially the stained glass of Mary (at Assumption?).  I felt someone's eyes on me, and turned to look.  A young man smiled shyly at me, and I smiled back.  This happened a couple times, and he then asked me if he could ask me a question.  I said of course, and moved back a few pews to him.  (He didn't seem to be homeless, but I could be wrong. Doesn't matter; was just giving background on the area I was in.)

He asked: "What is faith, to you?"  The only thing I could think of to respond was, "A gift from God, to believe in Him and to return to Him."  He was apparently satisfied with this answer.  He continued on with other questions, and somehow, God shut my mouth and opened my ears to hear both the young man and God.  For some reason, he reminded me of David from the Old Testament.  Not really sure why, but I shared this with him.  When things come to me like that at these times, God seems to let me know when to share and trust in Him and His Plan.  It's easier than arguing with God in my head; He always wins in these cases... ;)  Sometimes His 'win' is to let me win, which is pretty cool when it happens, but I know that was His Plan for me to get me way, as long as I give in to His Will.

I also had on, as always, my silver chain with a number of blessed medals on it.  I took it off, and for the first time (that I can remember, anyway), gave one of these medals to him.  I've given away extras, but never off my own chain.  It was my blessed Holy Spirit medal, which I love, but can be easily replaced.  We had kind of a deep discussion about God, whether or not God is 'He' or 'She', meditation versus praying, fear, and many other things.  He isn't sure if he believes in God, and seemed very tortured. I think he was afraid of giving in to that push from the Holy Spirit. I fought it hard when I was away from the Church too.  He wanted to know how we knew Jesus was real.  He wanted to talk about Heaven and Hell.  He claimed he wasn't religious, just spiritual, but I believe he'll be coming Home to the Faith soon. He asked how we could know who we are; he was worried about his life and direction.  He was carrying a wooden Rosary in a pristine white cloth. He said he didn't know why.

I asked "David" (his real name might have been Lawrence....) what brought him to Church that day, he told me didn't really know.  He just ended up there.  I smiled on the inside, because I knew that wasn't true........even if he didn't.  God brought him there, just as he brought me there, just as He has done many times before for me; He puts me where I can do His Work, when I turn my decision and acquiescence over to Him.

I really didn't expect to evangelize for over an hour before Mass (he did not stay). It was a good experience, and a reminder to carry extra medals and nice rosaries, along with booklets.  We did talk about using the Rosary to pray "Jesus, I love you." or something of the sort, while moving along the beads.

Please pray for "David", and all young men and women, especially those away from God, and the Faith.  He was a blessing to me, and I hope we meet again, and that his life gets better.

PS: How awesome is it, Denver, that y'all had 3 priests hearing Confessions, and it still went an hour, at least? :) Sooooo awesome!

I prayed for you today.

I prayed for you today.

Yes, you.

You were stopped beside me at the light as I said a Rosary in the car next to you; I dedicated that Hail Mary in the Rosary to you.

We haven't talked in awhile, because we're both busy, but I prayed for you again today. You might be going through family issues, have finals coming up, or working overtime, but you're always in my heart.

You were standing in line for Confession with me.  I prayed that you would feel the Lord's Love and Mercy, and make a good confession.  I prayed for you when you came out of the confessional, and you looked relieved, or sad, or were crying.

You were walking with your child down the sidewalk, and I prayed for a happy family for you.

You were at Mass with me, and I prayed for you.  You were in line for Communion, and I prayed for you.

You were celebrating the Mass, or in the back of the choir, or reading the second reading; I prayed for you to feel the fullness of the Love of Christ and that you had as close to a perfect Mass as possible.

You were waiting across town, sitting in an uncomfortable chair, wondering if anyone cared or loved you, as you waited for an abortion. I was dozing in my bed on Saturday morning, and I prayed for you; I prayed that the Lord save you and your baby and that you could feel His Love.

I saw your posting on the internet asking for prayers, and I prayed for you and your intention.  I saw your post about your pain, and I prayed for God to ease your suffering....emotional and physical.

You were sitting next to me at a social event, and were sad, angry, lonesome, hungry.  I prayed for your needs to be fulfilled.

We crossed paths years ago at work, at school, at a social event, and you came to mind today for no apparent reasons, so I prayed for you.

You are a friend, a stranger, an acquaintance, a family member.......I prayed for you.  Please pray for me.

Rotten Monday=Glorious Tuesday

I had a rotten Monday.  I didn't sleep well, so from the start I wasn't in a good mood.  I'm still struggling with grief over my blessed Uncle heading Home to the Lord, not only for myself, but for my cousins and aunt.  Just everything seemed to be hitting me wrong (including PMS, to be honest), and even saying the Rosary or taking a nap didn't really help as much as I had hoped.  It reminded me that I used to feel that way EVERY DAY, EVERY MOMENT, when I was going through severe depression.  That scared me....was I headed back that way?  I couldn't imagine living like that again.  I tried to remain in prayer, turning to Him, and still praising Him.  I didn't do a very good job. I did reach out  on Facebook to a few close friends; their thoughts and prayers helped so much.  Plus, it gave me a moment of humility in knowing I needed to reach out for help. I'm not very good at that.  I also didn't have a very good coping mechanism, and was very weak.  I prayed that I would not succumb to sin.  St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle! Be our protection from the wickedness and snares of the devil.....He protected me from own selfish wants and needs, that is for sure!  Plus, I know that my day would have been even worse had I not been praying and turning to God.

Today, I woke up early, after a fairly restful night's sleep (which I didn't expect).  I prayed, and then realized I had plenty of time to get to my favorite weekday Mass.  I headed that way and was able to pray a Rosary on the way.  I arrived in time for Reconciliation (always behind the screen/anonymous).  While I didn't have any thing major to confess, I partly was going to Confession in *thanksgiving*. Christ truly revealed Himself to me in the Confessional in many of the Words spoken through the priest, very relative to what I'm going through in parts of my life, that the priest himself had no way of knowing since they weren't related to any of my sins I confessed, yet were very, very specific. At the end of Confession, I asked the priest to include my uncle in his prayers today, as his funeral was this afternoon across the country.

During Mass, the priest often relates the Saint being honored that day to the Gospel, or just in general.  Today, of all days, is the feast day of St. Frances Xavier.  He is the patron saint of foreign missions and Catholic missions, among other things.  The priest called him the greatest missionary of all time.  Today, in Florida, my favorite and greatest missionary of my time, was honored.  My aunt is not Catholic, nor are my uncle or my cousins.  I don't believe that they knew today was this feast day.  What a great honor for my uncle!  Praise and thanks to the Lord for this gift.

Carrying on, I actually had a good experience <!> returning my new laptop for a replacement, and actually had some good things come out of it; from this led to another opportunity to share Christ's love with three people, and share the joy of Christmas.  When something good happens to us, we should always share that joy.  As much as my pride is trying to push me to share what it is that I did, I'm trying to ignore it!

One of my friends on Facebook said she'd pray that I'd have a glorious Tuesday.  The bell in my head still didn't ring.....

On Sunday, on our way to Mass, I mentioned to my husband that I miss the Gloria during Advent and Lent. I really and truly do.  I love singing that prayer.  Today, as I related my day to my husband, I told him about the lady I met this afternoon...an elderly lady and her husband.  Her name? *Gloria*  And then I remembered the car license plate I saw earlier today heading into the computer store as well: Gloria.  AMEN!  Thank you and praise you, Lord Jesus.

I pray you, my friends, have a Glorious day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
O God, who through the preaching of Saint Francis Xavier won many peoples to yourself, grant that the hearts of the faithful may burn with the same zeal for the faith and that Holy Church may everywhere rejoice in an abundance of offspring. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.
~~
Prayer by Saint Francis Xavier

Eternal God, Creator of all things, remember that You alone has created the souls of unbelievers, which You have made according to Your Image and Likeness. Behold, O Lord, how to Your dishonor many of them are falling into Hell. Remember, O Lord, Your Son Jesus Christ, Who so generously shed His Blood and suffered for them. Do not permit that Your Son, Our Lord, remain unknown by unbelievers, but, with the help of Your Saints and the Church, the Bride of Your Son, remember Your mercy, forget their idolatry and infidelity, and make them know Him, Who You have sent, Jesus Christ, Your Son, Our Lord, Who is our salvation, our life, and our resurrection, through Whom we have been saved and redeemed, and to Whom is due glory forever. Amen.
~~~~

http://www.loyolapress.com/saint-francis-xavier-1506-1552.htm

http://www.2heartsnetwork.org/Xavier.htm

Is your forgiveness bigger than His?

A few months ago, I made my first Reconciliation in over 10 years.  That’s a long time!  I was nervous, I was scared.  I visited catholic.com, and Googled various phrases that I thought would help me.  Most of the information said to get the ‘big stuff’ out of the way first and then move on to the smaller things.  I also used the Laudate application for my smartphone, which really helped as well, even though it seemed like I checked off most of the sins listed (it was 10 years, and this app delved deeper into the Ten Commandments, and showed how it related in modern times).

The experience was amazing, and ever since, I love going to Confession.  I’ll write about that another time.  One of my ‘things’ is that I’m harder on myself than I should be.  I also have a problem with perfection in my every day life. If I can’t make the house PERFECTLY clean, why clean at all?  I’m working on that.  But as those things apply to my spiritual life, I’m still learning.

Even though I left the Confession booth happier than when I entered, I was still mad at myself for my sins.  What we need to remember is this: when we don’t forgive ourselves, or don’t forgive others, we are saying we are bigger and more important than God!  No matter how much our sin hurts us or another person, it hurts Him greatest of all, for no one loves us more than He does. If the One we have truly sinned against has forgiven us and loves us, should I hold myself and my forgiveness to a higher standard? Withholding forgiveness from others and even yourself is deeply wrong.  Forgiveness for us can be hard; we are, after all, imperfect. God has given us His love and forgiveness. We should share that with others. It’s easier said than done for most of us.  

Forgiveness is an act, not a feeling.  I am still working on the 'feeling' of forgiving someone, but I forgive those have hurt me, whether intentionally or unintentionally.  Perhaps for some of us, making a list of those we need to forgive, and truly searching our hearts while asking God to help us forgive as He has forgiven us, is one way that we can work towards feeling forgiveness.

The priest gave me a penance of praying a Rosary. I had to ask him if I could do it when I got home. I didn't have a Rosary with me, and had probably said 10 rosaries in my 43 years of life. Most of those were as a child, and quite reluctantly, before Mass while visiting Grandma.  My penance, instead of making me suffer, has changed my life.  From that day forward, I chose to pray the Rosary nearly every day, sometimes twice a day.

I am asking forgiveness from those I have hurt or sinned against.  I pray that those people know that I am truly contrite for the pains I have caused, the distress that I put people through. I sinned against others, but I sinned highest against God.  I believe He has forgiven me, and pray that others will as well.

Thank you Jesus for Your forgiveness and love.

I pray that each of us can find the Joy that He has given us in so many wonderful ways, and enjoy the opportunity to grow in our Faith and Love for God.  God bless you, and have a safe 4th of July.

Feeling still in the Lord

Thanks for sticking with me!  I haven't felt very literary, not even 'internet literary' lately. My thoughts have been contained mostly to a few words on a Facebook status or two. I've even been silent on my favorite Catholic forum.

I haven't been suffering from a dryness, but more quietness, stillness.  I've still had thoughts during my prayer and Faith life, but I haven't put them to paper.  Perhaps it's the Lenten season.

In the past year (14 months actually), I've had moments of being overwhelmed by all the Graces and Blessings I was receiving from God.  Other times, it's been more quiet.

Father

Father,

I come to you, a sinner, and beg of your forgiveness.

Forgive all my sins and do not hold them against me.

I am weak without You, o Lord.

I need You, my Lord.

You are my everything; let me cleanse my heart for you.

Please Lord be my strength and my rock.

Stand between me and Satan.

Our Savior, Jesus Christ, please send your mother, Mary, to my side, as the devil fears her and her love for You.

I am weak, Lord. I am unworthy. Please forgive all my sins that I have presented to you, especially those of which I'm most contrite, for they are the most evil.

With you, my Lord, I will find peace in my heart.

-------------

Psalm 6

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Prayer for Mercy in Time of Trouble.

For the choir director; with stringed instruments, [a]upon an eight-string lyre. A Psalm of David.

6 O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger,

Nor chasten me in Your wrath.

2 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am pining away;

Heal me, O Lord, for my bones are dismayed.

3 And my soul is greatly dismayed;

But You, O Lord—how long?

4 Return, O Lord, rescue my [b]soul;

Save me because of Your lovingkindness.

5 For there is no [c]mention of You in death;

In [d]Sheol who will give You thanks?

6 I am weary with my sighing;

Every night I make my bed swim,

I dissolve my couch with my tears.

7 My eye has wasted away with grief;

It has become old because of all my adversaries.

8 Depart from me, all you who do iniquity,

For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.

9 The Lord has heard my supplication,

The Lord receives my prayer.

10 All my enemies will be ashamed and greatly dismayed;

They shall [e]turn back, they will suddenly be ashamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During Confession, my penance was to make a special prayer to our Father, to ask for His assistance and strength against my sins, especially those sins that separate me the most from Him.

I ask Sts. Augustine, Dymphna, Mary Magdalene, Maria Goretti, Anne, Theresa of Liseaux, Teresa of Avila to pray with me to our Savior.

Wake up with JOY

I invite all of us to examine our consciences, repent and ask forgiveness for our sins from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, taking comfort in His Forgiveness and Love for us.

Let's wake up in the morning, clothed in His Love for us, fresh, anew, pure and clean.  We have been forgiven our sins, from our baptism from Original Sin, and venial sins forgiven through His Graces and Sacraments.  I love Reconciliation/Confession, which is needed for forgiveness of mortal sins, and is wonderful for venial sins as well. But our venial sins are forgiven in other ways as well.

It's so easy to feel that we are stained with sin, but let us remember that we are pure and clothed in His Mercy and Forgiveness. Remember this, not our own selves.

Let us wake up with JOY, filled with His Love, and bask in the warmth of knowing of all He has for us.  Today, let us not go about our ways as if we are nothing more than sinners; for while we sin and are sinners, more importantly, we are His, God's Children. He created us, He knows us from our weaknesses and sins, to our joys and triumphs.  Let His Gifts REIGN all over us.

Begin each day draped in His Love, Mercy, Forgiveness, knowing that while you sin, ultimately, you are God's Creation, and He loves no one more than He loves you. He wants us to be happy, succeed in His Plan for us and be with Him in Heaven when our time here is done.

Quick editorial notes and more....Sunday's first reading

I do a couple things differently when I'm writing about our Lord.

Normally, I'm very quick to note grammatical, spelling and punctuation mistakes (although, please forgive some of the free-flowing thoughts that were published late at night, proofed with eyes almost shut).

But when I refer to our Lord in any capacity, His Name is capitalized.  I take it another step: I also capitalize any 'trait' that belongs to Him, for lack of a better term.  For example:  His Love, His Forgiveness, His Mercy.  Anything that IS our Lord, is Holy to me.  While I often see 'His' or 'He' written as such, I rarely see it the way I do it.  That's fine.  It helps me to remember that All that is our Lord is Holy.

~~~~~~~
In other news:
I've added one of our parish priests to my Facebook. That should speed up the confession process (just kidding!).

I'm a lector for this Sunday's Mass, for only the third time (2nd time scheduled; other time volunteered).  I was reading ahead of this Sunday's readings on my Laudate app, and lo and behold, the first reading is mine. By 'mine', I mean MINE!  If you'll scroll down to one of my earlier posts, you'll find Sirach and why it is so special to me.  Here is the reading from USCCB:

Twenty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time
Lectionary: 126

Reading 1SIR 3:17-18, 20, 28-29

My child, conduct your affairs with humility,
and you will be loved more than a giver of gifts.
Humble yourself the more, the greater you are,
and you will find favor with God.
What is too sublime for you, seek not,
into things beyond your strength search not.
The mind of a sage appreciates proverbs,
and an attentive ear is the joy of the wise.
Water quenches a flaming fire,
and alms atone for sins.

This is so awesome!  This chapter and these verses were the Lord truly revealing Himself to me in my hour of need.

God is so good!

The more you give

I wrote recently about finding "Gloria" and how that changed my day.

Looking back, it did more than that. It changed me.  It helped me.  I wish I could find the people that I met that day, and tell them how they, by letting me help them that day, made a difference in MY life.  I'm sure they left that day thinking how I made a difference in theirs, but it was my heart that changed.

The more you give, the more you receive. By helping this couple, I found more 'glory' in my heart. I found love, compassion.  I received peace and joy.

Did I intend to receive and find anything? No, but that's how it happens. If you give in ORDER to receive, you will not get the full abundance of joy and peace, if any.  I've shared the story of finding Gloria that day, in a day where I needed it. I don't share that story in order to lift myself up of being a do-gooder.  I share it so that others might do the same thing and feel that warmth that you get back.  I make it clear that I did it with no intention of receiving thanks from the elderly couple, or anyone else.  I didn't want them even to know it was me. But God had other plans.  By finding out the woman's name was Gloria fulfilled His plan for me for that day, and the days since.

I wrote this post, and then did a search for some Bible verses. Apparently, at some point in my life, I've read or heard this part of Scripture, but I didn't recall it; thank you Lord, praise you Jesus, bless you Spirit, for showing me to live it.

2 Corinthians 9:5-15

5 So I thought it necessary to urge the brothers to go on ahead to you, and arrange in advance for this bountiful gift that you have promised, so that it may be ready as a voluntary gift and not as an extortion.
6 The point is this: the one who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and the one who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. 7 Each of you must give as you have made up your mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 8 And God is able to provide you with every blessing in abundance, so that by always having enough of everything, you may share abundantly in every good work. 9 As it is written,
“He scatters abroad, he gives to the poor;
    his righteousness[b] endures forever.”
10 He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness.[c] 11 You will be enriched in every way for your great generosity, which will produce thanksgiving to God through us; 12 for the rendering of this ministry not only supplies the needs of the saints but also overflows with many thanksgivings to God. 13 Through the testing of this ministry you glorify God by your obedience to the confession of the gospel of Christ and by the generosity of your sharing with them and with all others, 14 while they long for you and pray for you because of the surpassing grace of God that he has given you. 15 Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

How to alienate fellow Catholics and Christians

 How to alienate fellow Catholics, especially when they are, of all things, attempting to interact with you, especially before or after Mass:

Make sure that they know that your way of worship is better than theirs, even if you both are the same Faith.  Pre-Vatican II vs Post-Vatican II.....and anything in between.

If they don't pray the same way or as often as you do, make sure that your attitude shows that you know better than they do. *Everyone* knows that _______ and _______ are the ONLY ways to get to Heaven and you don't have time for those that don't know what you are talking about (everyone has heard of the Divine Mercy...you don't have time to explain it!!!!).

If you do something differently than the majority, it's because you are the only one who knows the truth of the matter; maybe someday your glory will be recognized.

Do not welcome or speak to others in pews around you.

If you are in a leadership position, don't return phone calls or emails to people with questions, especially when they are asking to get involved. 

If others are dressed differently, or act differently, make sure they know either by looks or comments they are inappropriate.

Don't smile, make eye contact or shake their hands.

Act like you know a secret (a smirk is great), and if you tell them why, don't invite them to be a part of it. Always assume that if they were good enough, they'd already know about it and practice it.

If someone asks you a question, make the answer short and snappy, and act like they should already know the answer (whether it's where the restroom is, the priest's name, when Confession is, or how to join the Church).  If you promise to help them later with something, make sure you don't!

How far have you come?

I have come so far, but I have so far to go!

It's easy to concentrate on how far we have to go to be where we want to be. We generally want to achieve perfection, especially in prayer and in our relationship to the Lord. For me, I tend to look at far I have to go, instead of how far I've made it. I went up this mountain in Colorado; it was gradual and winding until I made it to the top, much like life's journey.