Offer it up

Over recent weeks, I've pondered the phrase, “offer it up to God!”.  It didn't make sense to me. What did that mean? When I have a headache, does offer it up mean ask God to ease it? If we are to offer it up, should we not take medicine to relieve our pain? I have been at a loss for awhile on this, and had planned to talk to my pastor this week about it.

One day, as I rested to take a short nap, I was having trouble calming my mind, and as the minutes grew, the longer my nap-insomnia (napsomnia?) was cutting into sleep time.  I began to whisper and pray on each breath, “Praise you, God. I love you, God. Thank you, God.” I focused on the words, and if a thought came to my head, I just kept breathing.  I have never been good at focusing (ADD!) or meditation, or even inducing relaxation!  Suddenly, like a lightning bolt, it came to me! 

“Offer it up” means to take on suffering so that another’s pain might be eased.  I went through some very trying times in my 20s when my birthmother’s response was not anywhere in the realm that I expected.  Did I think I might be rejected? Maybe. Denial, and rejection, in the manner it was handled? I didn't expect that at all, and it sent me into a tailspin.  The pain was great, and we weren't going to Church, so I didn't have my Faith to fall back on, although I know God was there with me, and I cried out to Him often.  At the time, I told my husband that maybe my deep pain and agony were to save another from going through it.  I thought of a few people I knew that wouldn't have been able to handle it had they been in my shoes.  What if there was a finite amount of pain in the world on any one day?  Would I take on that pain so that another, weaker person who couldn't have lived through it, could be happy?

That’s what Jesus did for us. He took on our sins, our pain, and suffered for us, so that we could live life with Him everlasting, without pain.  We were not even born, and He died for us.   The cross was so heavy and burdensome; I imagine each splinter as the weight of thousands of our sins.  Each and every nail, thorn for the wars in the world.  He offered His life for us. Whether we choose to offer up our physical or emotional suffering so that another may be eased is our choice.  My human mind has a difficult time wrapping around this concept. It doesn't make ‘sense’.  Thankfully, when I let go and let God, as the saying goes, He told me.

Earlier this week, during a weekday Mass, the Monsignor talked about prayer is not about yanking God’s chain. In my words, you don’t pull on the chain, or ring the bell, and tell Him what to bring you in the parlor like a servant. We are the servants!  We do not pray to change God; we pray so that we change ourselves!  When we pray, we should not tell God what His solution should be; we tell Him our problems.  He is our Father.  As a mother, if my children came to me and gave me a problem that they couldn't fix themselves, I would take care of it if I could, and in the best interest of them.  Now, of course, God can take care of anything.  However, it might not be in our best interest. He knows His plan for us. He knows us better than we know ourselves.

Next time you have a headache, or are hungry, or a sprained ankle, offer it up to Him.  “Father, I’m in pain right now; I pray that my suffering will ease another’s suffering, even for a short time.”  Of course, I could take a Motrin, or eat a sandwich.  I definitely would go to the doctor if it was required.  I believe that God gives us modern medicine and expects us to use it.  

True suffering is not sitting in traffic on your way to work. You have a car; you have a job. If you want to offer that up to Him as suffering, that is your choice. Instead, though, thank Him.  You can even thank Him for your suffering.

Is your forgiveness bigger than His?

A few months ago, I made my first Reconciliation in over 10 years.  That’s a long time!  I was nervous, I was scared.  I visited catholic.com, and Googled various phrases that I thought would help me.  Most of the information said to get the ‘big stuff’ out of the way first and then move on to the smaller things.  I also used the Laudate application for my smartphone, which really helped as well, even though it seemed like I checked off most of the sins listed (it was 10 years, and this app delved deeper into the Ten Commandments, and showed how it related in modern times).

The experience was amazing, and ever since, I love going to Confession.  I’ll write about that another time.  One of my ‘things’ is that I’m harder on myself than I should be.  I also have a problem with perfection in my every day life. If I can’t make the house PERFECTLY clean, why clean at all?  I’m working on that.  But as those things apply to my spiritual life, I’m still learning.

Even though I left the Confession booth happier than when I entered, I was still mad at myself for my sins.  What we need to remember is this: when we don’t forgive ourselves, or don’t forgive others, we are saying we are bigger and more important than God!  No matter how much our sin hurts us or another person, it hurts Him greatest of all, for no one loves us more than He does. If the One we have truly sinned against has forgiven us and loves us, should I hold myself and my forgiveness to a higher standard? Withholding forgiveness from others and even yourself is deeply wrong.  Forgiveness for us can be hard; we are, after all, imperfect. God has given us His love and forgiveness. We should share that with others. It’s easier said than done for most of us.  

Forgiveness is an act, not a feeling.  I am still working on the 'feeling' of forgiving someone, but I forgive those have hurt me, whether intentionally or unintentionally.  Perhaps for some of us, making a list of those we need to forgive, and truly searching our hearts while asking God to help us forgive as He has forgiven us, is one way that we can work towards feeling forgiveness.

The priest gave me a penance of praying a Rosary. I had to ask him if I could do it when I got home. I didn't have a Rosary with me, and had probably said 10 rosaries in my 43 years of life. Most of those were as a child, and quite reluctantly, before Mass while visiting Grandma.  My penance, instead of making me suffer, has changed my life.  From that day forward, I chose to pray the Rosary nearly every day, sometimes twice a day.

I am asking forgiveness from those I have hurt or sinned against.  I pray that those people know that I am truly contrite for the pains I have caused, the distress that I put people through. I sinned against others, but I sinned highest against God.  I believe He has forgiven me, and pray that others will as well.

Thank you Jesus for Your forgiveness and love.

I pray that each of us can find the Joy that He has given us in so many wonderful ways, and enjoy the opportunity to grow in our Faith and Love for God.  God bless you, and have a safe 4th of July.